she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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