The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
