hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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