so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
