dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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