You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
