His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
