If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
