physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
