you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
