Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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