oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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