How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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