Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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