Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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