If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
