my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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