I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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