my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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