At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
