Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it's like iHOP with fire
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
