Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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