So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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