it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
