Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
