Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
