I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
