I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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