i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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