Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
