I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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