Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
