I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
