I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
