Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
