i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
NoShamevember. You game?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
