I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
