I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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