Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
