I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
