Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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