i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
