When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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