You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he was CRYING into my vagina
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
