glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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