I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
