Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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