Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
