did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
