you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
