I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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