Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
