would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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