I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
