That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
