I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
